In meliora spera
by Forever Siriusly Sirius
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy sat on a wall, Scorpius Malfoy had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men, Couldn't put Scorpius together again. Warnings, suicide, self harm, mucho angst, some semi smut.


Challenge: Uni's Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry Challenge/Competition, **Potions, herbology, and Transfiguration.**

**Prompts**:

**Potions**:

Mandatory Prompt: Write about a near death experience. Alternatively, write about someone's first time. Suicide; Mistake; A Someone must sleep with someone; The pleasures of love are always in proportion to our fears. -Stendhal; I don't know *name* I just don't think I can do it!

**Transfiguration**

Mandatory prompts: Write about something that is difficult to do. Dangerous;A character must hug another character; When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. – Malcolm S Forbes

**Herbology**

Mandatory Prompt: Write a story where someone is caring for a ill person. You can take this in anyway possible. Broken; Someone must kiss someone; For every two minutes of glamour, there are eight hours of hard work. -Jessica Savitch; Next-Gen; I just feel awful

**Challenge**: Quidditch League,

**Prompts; **Weakness; Pretense; "My all will be for you, My love will be in you, If you be the one to cut me, I will bleed forever."

* * *

**_In meliora spera_**

**_Hope for better things_**

Rain patters down, _drip drip drip_ like the blood flowing down your pale wrists. Both hit the ground, form puddles then separate into streams. The tears mingle with the pool, taking it from a vibrant red to a dull burgundy. This is your worst summer yet.

You look up, desperation and hopelessness are painted on your face. Yours is the face of a man who has nothing left to live for, no reason to stop the life from draining down your wrists and into the drains like the rain does.

Emotions swirl in you, rising and falling like the tide. Somedays life is bearable, somedays it's okay, but then there are those days that drown you, where you feel like if you don't let a little bit drain away then you'll burst. Al doesn't fully understand. It's not that you want to hurt yourself, you don't want to die, it's just that you can't handle everything that's gone wrong for you, it's too much and this is the only way you can handle it.

"Scor," he whispers, as he sees you curled up on the bathroom floor, the tears falling like a waterfall from your face, body shaking with sobs and wrists stained with the scars of life. "What happened?"

You look up at him pathetically, but not brokenly. Not yet. Despite the fact that you've been bullied your whole life, (They called you _'coward_', _'death eater'_, _'scum'_ and worse,) and that your mother has been sick for as long as you can remember, and your that father can't even look at you without breaking down because he knows it's all his fault that your life is like this; despite all the downs and the so few ups, you aren't defeated. You aren't broken.

Shining silver meets emerald green, you drop the knife. You didn't draw a whole lot of blood, enough for a stream, but not a river.

"She's dead," you choke out. Astoria Malfoy, the Ravenclaw, the fighter, the one who is always smiling, your mother, the one who is there to hold you when you felt like breaking, is gone.

You don't want comfort. You don't want pity. You think, you're a Malfoy, you should be strong and stoic and never cry. It's what Grandfather Lucius always said. Your father would then glare at him, and turn to you and tell you that that was rubbish, and that you can cry if you want to. It was the only time he ever showed affection for you.

Your whole life, only two people have ever seen you break down. Your mother, and Albus Potter, your only friend.

You walk around school with your head held high and a smirk on your face, hoping people wont see the cracks, hoping people wont turn them into chasms, hoping to just make it through the end of the day without getting abuse hurled at you. Albus Potter, a fellow Slytherin, had helped clean you up after some kids had beaten you up. It was the most humiliating experience of your life. However it was what brought Albus Potter into your life, and that is something you wouldn't change for the world.

You are snapped back to reality by Al's worried voice. "C'mon Scor, it's okay. She's in a better place now."

You hear what he says but you don't take it in. Al grabs a cloth and wipes the blood off your wrists, and kisses the shallow cuts as if that will make it all better.

"Why do you always stay?" you whisper hesitantly. You can't understand it, you aren't easy to live with. You know Al is almost always on suicide watch, for every good two minutes of glamour there is another eight hours of hard work. Sometimes you have days where you feel happy, you have days where you are able to keep your head above the water, but they are few and far between, hidden in all the days that make you want to end it for good. Al is now the only thing stopping you, and you love him for it.

He smiles faintly, twining his hands with yours and helping you up. "You can't just fall out of love with someone, depression, anxiety, cutting... It doesn't matter to me. I love you, with and without your scars. You aren't going to scare me off that easily. I'm here to be your anchor, to keep you living and to do my best to make you smile at least once every day."

You hug Al, trying to hold back the tears, twisting your slender fingers in his dark hair, feeling his hands slide down around your waist, pulling you close.

The urge to kiss him overtakes you. You've kissed him before but never more. You've always been too scared, scared he'll take all you have to give and leave, scared of waking up and finding him gone; but not this time. You know he'll stay, you can finally enjoy time with Al without the irrational fear nagging at the back of your mind. Of course it's not gone for good, but for now, you can pretend it doesn't exist as Al's fingers grip you tighter and you tongues clash and fight for dominance.

The rush that runs through your veins is better than any cut, better than any drug. Somehow you make it to the bedroom. When you break off for air Al's mouth moves down your neck, kissing every inch of skin.

Clothes start to come off, and you shiver as Al's cool fingers touch your bare skin for the first time. Running his hands up and down your torso, you fist yours in his hair, and moan as he nips your neck gently.

You take a second to observe Al's shirtless body, it's flawless, you think in awe. It doesn't have scars on it like yours does, it's toned and muscled from all his Quidditch and your breath catches. He's so beautiful, so pure and so perfect, in comparison to you.

Nervousness overtakes you. You are paranoid that Albus will see the extent of your scars, your blemished and flawed skin that is covered in physical representations of your demons. The symbolic reflections of everything that is wrong with you. Al couldn't possibly want you once he saw the cracks in your mask. There's no way he would ever want someone as broken as you. Right?

Albus pries your hands away from your body, where you had feebly attempted to shield it.

"Stop it," he mumbles against your lips. He pulls back to cup your face, his eyes trailing over your mutilated body. "_You're beautiful._ I know you don't believe me but you are. When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. Okay? You're beautiful, your scars show how brave you are to keep soldiering on even though things are so difficult that all you want to do is die. Promise me, Scor, that you'll remember life looks bad from a close perspective, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, you'll find hope. When you find that hope, I want you to cling to it and never let go. It's difficult, but please, Scor, I don't want to lose you."

"Why are you so damn good at motivational speeches?" you choke out, half laughing half crying.

"I learned from the best," Al smirks briefly before his lips find yours again. This time, they don't leave.

Lying in Albus's arms you feel the pretense that you are okay fade. You don't have to pretend for Albus, you can show weakness around Albus. You can love Albus. Albus is your everything. You can just barely handle it when your grandfather hurls abuse at you, your eyes prick with tears and rivers run a little deeper, but if Albus was ever to do anything like that, you'd bleed forever. Even though your father stands up for you, even though he says not to believe what Grandfather says, you know deep down he believes it too. With your mother gone, and your father estranged, there is no one else that can share your love. It's all for Albus. The only one that can convince you of your worth is Albus. Everything you are, everything you have, is all for him.

Being here with Albus makes the hurt go away, it strengthens the walls that you put up around you to protect you from the outside world. You don't need the knife when you're with Albus.

When you think life might get better, it crashes down around you. Despite what people think, part of you is still that little boy that yearns for his father's affection. All you ever wanted was for him to smile at you and say, 'well done'. But he never did.

Draco was never cuddly, it was always Astoria that hugged you when you were sad, and kissed you when you hurt yourself. She was the one who read you bed time stories. Draco never did any of that. He was the distant parent.

You remember in first year, while leaving for Hogwarts your father patted you on the shoulder, the most physical affection he's ever given you since you were a child. The memory of him warning you to stay away from the Weasley's and Potter's lingers in your mind. You look over at Albus who has long since fallen asleep and you smile at how far you've come. In the beginning you tried to hate him, you sneered at him, and mocked him but he continually stayed by you. He wasn't deterred by your cruel attitude, it's like he knew that there was a different Scorpius hidden underneath the arrogant exterior that was just waiting to be discovered. You've never been so thankful for his stubbornness. Draco wasn't pleased, you could tell, but he never said anything.

All you ever wanted was someone like Harry, who hugged Albus when he left for Hogwarts, and wrote him letter's signed _'Love, Dad'_ not _'Regards, Draco Abraxas Malfoy'_. You didn't get that either.

When the news comes that he too, had died- the Healers thought it was a long time coming- you couldn't comprehend why tears rolled down your face and splashed onto the floor.

"I...I don't understand," you whisper as Albus holds you close. "He never told me he loves me, he never said well done or happy birthday or anything. He would stop Grandfather Lucius from attacking me, but he never did much more than that. He can't stand me because he thinks I killed Mother, because she got sick around when I was born. Why do I feel sad that he's dead? Why do I miss him? Why have I spent so much of my life wanting a real father, like Harry is to you? I should hate him. But I don't. I miss him."

Albus just hugs you tighter. "Mum always used to tell James that love is irrational, he fell for the strangest girls sometimes at school. Then he found Ara, who was so different from his usual type and he couldn't for the life of him work out why. I think thats why you still love your dad. At the end of the day, he was your dad. He was the only one you'll ever have. It's natural to feel upset, even if he was an arse most of the time. He did care for you though, I mean he protected you from Lucius. I don't think he hated you, Scorpius. He just had a different way of showing you he loves you."

You nod once again as Albus kisses away your tears and holds you close. He keeps you sane, always the calm, rational voice of reason. Without him, you are like a child who cannot swim that is stuck in a vast ocean, unable to separate the fact from fancy, the truth from the lies. Unable to keep your head above the rising water.

You try not to cry at the funeral. You knew you'd pay for it later if you did. '_Malfoys don't cry,'_ Lucius would always say. Without either of your parents around anymore, the wall they so painstakingly built to shelter your from Lucius started crumbling down, as if it were made of straw and Lucius was the Big Bad Wolf. One blow, and it's all over. More than ever you wished Albus was by your side, not even touching you, but just there as if his mere presence could turn straw into brick. However, Albus wasn't allowed to come, Lucius forbade it.

The loss shaped hole inside gets bigger with every passing day that you are forced to spend in his company. You sit in your room, drowning yourself in homework and flooding the occasional river with a vibrant mixture of blood and tears. You hear his footsteps up the stairs and immediately brace yourself.

"Did you know, dear Scorpius," his slimy voice drawls, "that you were an unintentional mistake?"

The temperature in the room drops rapidly, you tense up completely, wishing Albus or Astoria or even Draco were here to help you build your brick walls up so high that nothing Lucius says or does could ever get passed them. But they aren't. He's the wolf, circling around you like a predator to his prey. At first he can't get in, the walls are to high and built too strong.

"You're a pathetic excuse for a Malfoy. Did you know, when your father found out Astoria was pregnant, he wanted her to abort? He hated you, Scorpius. Yet you cry for him. Pathetic."

_Crumble_.

Cracks begin to appear in the foundations of the wall, little seeds of doubt have been planted and they grow like weeds. Rising and climbing, strangling the wall made of truth, choking it so it is weak. But the wall is still standing.

"No. He was trying to protect me." That's what Albus said. He wouldn't lie to you. But even you can hear the tremor in your voice.

Lucius laughs maliciously.

"If that is something that your mother told you-"

"Albus told me," you feel the need to make that distinction because Albus would never lie.

He laughs again. "That's even better. Albus Severus Potter, named after Hogwart's biggest coward and traitor respectively. Don't you see he's using you? Taking advantage of you? He doesn't love you either, Scorpius. No one does."

_Crumble_.

Each word is a physical blow, large chunks begin to fall away. There is no one around to help you patch up your wall. You are alone. A single tear rolls down your face. You can feel your head sinking below the water again. There is no one around to help pull you out. You are alone.

His mocking laughter continues.

"Did you honestly think people care about you? What do you have to offer to anybody? You're not good for anything, your only talent is Quidditch? No one wants to associate with the son of a reformed Death Eater, Scorpius, no one wants you around. They just pretend to. I had to pay people to let their children associate with you when you were younger. How does that feel? One day, Scorpius, you'll end up all alone because your boyfriend will have decided he's too good for you, he's bored of you. Just like you parents left you. Just like everyone will leave you. _Scorpius Malfoy sat on a wall, Scorpius Malfoy had a great fall._"

_Crumble._

The door slams as he leaves the room, his hideous laughter echoing off the walls, the words from the rhyme swirling in your mind, suffocating you. You taught him that rhyme. When you were younger, someone told you about it, you had gone home proudley reciting it. Now he threw it back in your face.

_Crash._

The weeds have grown so high, the cracks in the wall have grown so wide. The wall cannot stand up anymore. So down it falls, with you on top of it. Just like in the rhyme, you're broken. Shards of you are scattered everywhere, and no one can put you back together.

_Drip drip drip_. More rivers flow. More tears fall. Crimson entwined with clear. Your head goes under the water again, but this time you can't break through the surface.

Picking up a piece of parchment, and a quill, your hands are shaking. You can only write one word;

_Goodbye_.

He'll know who it's from. You watch your eagle owl soar through the open window, getting lost in the night sky.

It doesn't take long for a reply to come back.

_What are you saying goodbye for?_

Sneaking out is an art you've mastered over the years. Finding a spot where the anti-apparation wards aren't in place is easy. Apparating to yours and Al's favourite place, a small cliff overlooking the sea is easy. He kissed you for the first time there.

But Albus doesn't love you. Lucius is right, you think as you stand on the edge of the cliff.

_They will all leave you._

It's dangerous, standing on the edge of a cliff. You know that. But you don't want to leave. Your wall has completely crumbled, your head is under the water and you can't breathe anymore. You can't even see straight anymore.

Pain fills you up, like a flood inside of you. The water rises, past your legs, body, heart, neck, mouth and eventually over your head.

_Albus Potter will get bored of you.  
Your father hated you.  
You made your mother ill._

Surely the world would be better without you?  
Surely after all the pain you've caused, you don't deserve to live?

The rivers flow even faster, staining the cherished ground.

Just one more step. And it's all over.

_Crack_.

"Scorpius!" A voice so raw, so full of emotion, calls your name. You pause. The tears are running down your face, there's blood on your wrists you have to jump but-

"Please tell me you're not serious. Please." You see Albus's face, the tears there match your own, could it be possible that he does care? His voice his shaking, he doesn't try to hold back his pain.

Parts of your wall start to reform, Lucius's illusion begins to shatter.

"Pease, step back. I know it's hard, but please. Do it for me. We can make it better, see?" He's full on crying now, as are you. Albus's eyes are locked onto yours as he picks up your wrist and kisses away the blood. "See? All better."

"I-I don't know, Albus. I just, I just don't think I can do it. I can't deal with Lucius, and you'll leave me too one day. Everyone leaves me. I feel awful, like I'm drowning and I can't breathe and-" you can't finish your sentence, your voice breaks in the last word.

You both know you can't do it, but you so desperately want to pretend like you can.

Albus looks at you for a very long time, his solemn green eyes meet your grey ones. In that moment, your wall went up again, just enough for you to realise just how much you love him, and how much he loves you.

"I can't live in a world without you, Scorpius."

"Albus, I can't let you die as well. You've got a family, and you're meant to grow old and be happy and-"

"Shut up. Together. Or not at all."

Crying even more now, although a small smile graces your lips, you allow Albus to wrap your arms around his waist, and his around yours.

"Together."

And then you jump.

_Scorpius Malfoy sat on a wall,  
Scorpius Malfoy had a great fall.  
All the king's horses and all the king's men,  
Couldn't put Scorpius together again._

* * *

**A/N**, Well that was fun. Originally I wanted to save Scorpius, as per Rish's request, but then Teddy and Sam begged for a double suicide...and yeah. The ending is a Doctor Who reference. Just to add to your feels.

I want to give so much love to Teddy, because she beta'd this for me, and was with me from start to finish giving advice and feedback and tissues. She hates me for this ending but...she asked for it. Teddy, I love you.

I hope you enjoyed this...well is it possible to enjoy a fic like this? I don't know.

Anyway, please review :)

xoxo

Liza


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